Here I sit, atop a mountain of skulls and debris, ruling the land with an iron fist made of fire, and possibly, more iron. To help control my vast new empire, I have opened up portals to the Oblivion dimension allowing demonic creatures to flood the land and strike terror into the hearts of man. The world is a ruin and the ashes of my victims litter the ground at my feet. Those who are not tortured for my entertainment are subjected to other twisted pleasures as I bring about what can only be considered as a Hell on Earth. Finally, the planet shall know… peace.

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Why must these puny creatures oppose me? I am simply trying to make the world a better place. Having fully harnessed my true powers, no one can stand against my fury. Still… those who can’t see my beautiful visions of peace will surely rally against me and merely provoke my wrath. I will make them see! I will burn a mark into their foreheads and cast them down with the rest of the unbelievers into a world of eternal damnation and hell-fire. It is however, inevitable that the free nations of the world will unite in a futile attempt to restrain my growing ambitions for complete and total world domination. Without a care for the planet that I would rule, I walk the land like a nightmare from some long forgotten time before the Gods as we knew them. My rise to power is almost complete.

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There are ways to stop bank robbers and then, there are ways to stop bank robbers. The satisfaction of helping pathetic mortals with their day-to-day problems was not enough to satiate my hunger to prove and display my superiority to the masses. Now, I will rise up and tackle the bigger issues plaguing the world around me. I decide to rid the world of the scum that is suffocating the moral fiber of the Earth like tight binding underpants. Having already violated the laws of the land, no moral bounds restrict the use of excessive amounts of force lightning to affect the arrest. And what of those who oppose my new brand of “justice?” They too will feel my fury as I lay into them with the unyielding power of the elements!

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Our unknown artist has wondered something that perhaps we have all wondered… what would I do, were I gifted with unlimited powers? This is an interesting question that perhaps could lead to an insight into the true nature of man as we know him. Naturally, in the beginning, the urge to help humanity would flow like lava from a furious volcano… destroying everything it touches! Looking for any and all opportunities, I, the gifted luminary, would vow to serve and protect my feeble subordinates, acknowledging and celebrating their obvious inferiority. Here we see a massive tree, uprooted with a flick of the wrist to rescue a cat. Was this the best way to solve this crisis? Have I disturbed the land and possibly irreparably altered the future? Who cares, I am a GOD!

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In order to connect yourself wirelessly to the Battle Planet console, you must be fitted with an 802.11n wireless broadBrain wetware internet adapter. This series of surgically implanted devices allow your brain to wirelessly interface with Battle Planet for gaming, internet browsing, and media experiences. While true that the implants are neither removable nor upgradable, they are nonetheless required under the Battle Planet purchase agreement, and serious internal organ damage can occur if any attempt is made to remove the implanted hardware.

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Are you sick of “low-def” gaming and media entertainment? Do you feel like you need more battle in your day to day life. Imagine, a videogame universe so sophisticated, it actually plays itself! Welcome to the next generation of next-gen consoles. Introducing the Battle Planet video game console. The most powerful gaming machine ever created. Requiring massive power consumption and exorbent subscription fees to be paid monthly years before the console can even be officially released, it is the most expensive entertainment device in history. But have no fear, you can just work EXTRA hours at your place of employment to afford one! Now that’s a great deal! Spherical in shape with a diameter of 300 ft., it requires massive amounts of electrical energy to sustain it’s 8 million symmetrical computer cores. And you’re going to need all that extra horsepower to contain the radioactive “Holo-ray” discs on which your console games will be printed. Now let’s talk about some of the peripherals. Battle Planet Console comes fully equiped with everything you need to enjoy “next-next-gen” gaming right out of the box. Because of the space and time warping capabillities of the battle planet console, one can actually agree to purchase the unit without actually ever agreeing to purchase the unit.

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Even the mighty Absolute Zero Monster has a nemesis, and his name is the Nuclear Gravity Demon.  Spreading his fiery grasp across the reaches of space, he is unrelenting in his burning fury.  The Nuclear Gravity Demon, fueled by his fusion core and unstoppable hatred of comfortable temperatures will stop at nothing to bring about the end of Zero.  It is clear from this illustration that both of these elemental “super-beings” desire total control and ultimately, the complete destruction of, everything in the known universe.  Zero must battle with all his might to stave off the plasma bursts from the Gravity Demon’s scorching fists.  Wherever a relaxing climate exists in which the lesser beings of the land can bask in the pleasantries of outdoor barbequing and fruity cocktails, you will find them, hurling gargantuan fireballs and wintry ice-spears.  They have battled across eternity and through the multi-verse, and Earth surely won’t be the last casualty in their struggle for galactic domination.

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We can only surmise what trifle the insectoid creatures of Klavion 9 had committed to earn the ire of Zero, but when his anger has been stirred, his wrath is swift and terrible. In a fit of mighty rage, he froze their entire planet without remorse turning their once lush and tropical home into the frozen, icy tundra that we see today, barren of any and all life. The few surviving space warriors launched a futile counter-attack to bring justice and honor to their lifeless larvae companions. They have vowed to take up arms in an effort to thwart the Absolute Zero Monster before he brings about the end of yet another peaceful civilization. Their world now an icy tomb, the insectoids battle Zero till the end of time, even unto the void of space.

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Winter… What forces could possibly be at work causing the planet to cool? Why does cold weather seem so furious… all of the time? This shocking image provides indisputable evidence that the frigid weather we’ve come to loathe and fear is the menacing work of a furiously frozen space creature… from space! The Absolute Zero Monster dwells in the cold darkness of the universe. It is here where he can harness his extraordinary power of absolute zero cold. It is unclear how he came into being and why he delivers such terrible sub-zero rage but one thing is certain, he is unrelenting in his quest to freeze all the molecules in the galaxy. With his devastating ice laser and icy eye beams, he may be the earth’s greatest threat. All shall tremble before his might.

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These crude drawings that you are about to view were discovered in an ancient palm pilot that had lain hidden in a desk drawer for possibly thousands of hours. They detailed strange rituals and bizarre phenomena that defied all forms of conventional logic and reason. Through the portal of this forbidden palm, we were also given a glimpse at the future of the present. The following posts contain these shocking images along with our interpretations. It is apparent that they hold the key to understanding our own existence and unlocking the true nature of life on this planet.

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